Who am I?

I have recently been reviewing some note books from the 1990s which are packed full of insights, affirmations, mantras and wisdom I used to help me deal with the many challenges I faced during this fast moving period of my life, when I was immersed in business in London and sport, as well as trying to gain a wider sense of myself and the world around me.


Initially, the trip down memory lane was research for a book I am putting together and also a podcast (or radio) series I am developing to examine similar processes used by other people at critical times in their lives. But perhaps it was also a little to do with approaching a ‘big’ birthday, which I was reminded about by my siblings who suggested a few celebratory days away. While ‘ageing’ is not an institution I subscribe to (I plan to live more than the same number of years again pretty much as I am now or better, subject to revision upwards at any time), I do feel that I am entering into a new chapter of my life, a ‘third phase’.


I don’t remember much about my childhood or early adult life as I have always tried to travel light, processing trauma and discomfort on the hoof (so to speak) so as not to carry forward negativity. So it was quite enlightening to revisit these work books, as well as photo albums (I grew up in a pre-digital age, obviously) and writings from earlier in life.


In the last couple of years, since shedding my last business and deciding not to continue with top level endurance competition, I have been through a period of isolation – in fact, I have been isolated for over 5 years whilst rewilding in Wales but it has been much more intense and, at times, frustrating since letting go of the ‘glue’ that gave me focus and a reason to endure the physical challenges of this lifestyle.


On the plus side, it has provided a space for introspection and metamorphosis away from the ‘madding crowd’, a time of responsibility for no-one and nothing other than myself, my animals and my property and the first time in my life when I have had a break from paid work. I have also been able to complete the renovation of my house. So, while I am grateful for all these opportunities, it hasn’t been easy or a time of rest and it also hasn’t been very productive in terms of contributing to the wider world, something that doesn’t sit well with me.


Although I have been gestating ideas for new directions in many aspects of my life during this transitionary period, I think it’s fair to say that I probably lost a little confidence and self-worth. So, an unexpected bonus from reflecting on the work books is that I can see more clearly how I am the sum of all of my experiences (and more). Importantly though, by going back in time I have realised that not only am I up to my new tasks but I am worthy of what I want to create in this third phase. I have most certainly earned my stripes!


So, here are two statements from my old notes which are especially profound. They are similar to one another and reminded me of a core truth, thus providing a good kick up the whatsits! Yes, we all need one from time to time. The first is from a book trilogy that was very popular in its day, called ‘Conversations with God’:

Every act is an act of self-definition. Everything you think, say and do declares ‘this is who I am’….The question is ‘is this who I choose to be?’

My take on this is that our thoughts create beliefs which influence what we say and do. Not only that but thought has energy, so if it’s strong enough it acts as our point of attraction in the soup of potentials which exists all around us and which we are connected to – a quantum dimension which scientists call ‘the field’. What we think about ourself brings experiences and situations which reinforce our beliefs as the field responds to what we are focused on, whether or not it’s what we want. So, if we want to change our experience, we have to first notice our thoughts and if, on examination, we decide they are inaccurate or inappropriate, we have the choice to change them.


Obviously, this is easier said than done because habitual patterns (often the habits of a lifetime) are ingrained in the neural pathways of our brain. But with increasing awareness, practise and persistence, it’s possible to create new thoughts which are stronger. As our awareness and consciousness expand, every moment provides an opportunity to change what we think, say and do and constantly re-define ourselves. It follows, that as we attract more of what we want, we start to become the creator of our own experience (rather than living by chance, at best, or attracting what we don’t want, at worst). Unsurprisingly, self-worth is at the nub of most issues.

The second statement is from information provided by Abraham-Hicks:

You can’t be joyful about where you are and not get to where you want to be. You can’t get to where you want to be and be frustrated about where you are.

This is similar to another expression which you may have heard of….’you have to be it in order to have it’. As with the first statement, we are talking about the law of attraction and getting more of what we want. The field doesn’t differentiate between your current situation and fantasy, it simply responds to energy, for instance, the power of negative energy if you are frustrated by your current situation, or the power of joy when fantasising about the future. So, it’s easy to put out conflicting messages which either stop, or slow the process of attracting what you want. Day by day, diligent mindfulness is everything!


How do you change what you feel about your current situation? If it’s negative, then techniques such as gratitude for the good bits, or distraction so you don’t think about it (both of which I have used frequently in my life) will neutralise the emotion so you stop attracting negative experiences. But when you feel balanced and the power of your thought is strong, that’s the time to fantasise about what you want to bring in to your life, without prescribing how as ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’ (another favourite expression) and the synchronicity will take care of it, working with the Field.


I remember in the 80s and 90s busily looking for ways to deal with life’s challenges and exploring how to become more effective and a better creator in my own life. Then, so much of this information required a huge leap of faith until you experienced it for yourself. Today, things are different. There is a growing body of science (hiding in clear sight if you look for it) which has proved that thought indeed has energy, as does the heart (through compassion). It’s physics, though not quite as we know it because it’s quantum.


There is more on these subjects in my ‘practical spirituality’ podcasts. But if you would like to find out about the physics, some good starting points include The Heartmath Institute, the new science of Epigenetics, the work of geologist and scientist Greg Bradden (and his book ‘Human by Design’). Our world is changing, we are evolving. These are exciting times and in due course I feel certain that many solutions will emerge from our growing consciousness and connection all things.



Blog note: I am currently deciding whether to continue writing a blog and, if so, in what format eg. blogs or podcasts and also what subject matter? I have said pretty much everything I want to say about my rewilding experience (‘rewilding of the soul’ that is) and in the last year or so, have covered most of the core subjects which are close to my heart on the theme of practical spirituality. So, dear reader, if you have any suggestions as to what you might like to hear from me, or if there are questions you would like me to address in my blogs or you have any other ideas, please email me via to fiona@rewildinginwales.com. Thank you!

Pics: Living art!  The constantly changing light where I live. Extraordinary morning, evening and daytime skies, all taken during the last few weeks.

Videos & podcasts: Videos can be found in the Vlog section of this site and on Youtube. Podcasts can be found here and in the iTunes store (search ‘Fiona Price practical spirituality for everyday living’). Podcasts relevant to this blog include: Narrating your life; How to regain your balance and equilibrium when life gets out of control; Training your instinct.

NB. If you enjoy my content, please spread the word and if you would like to be notified when I post a blog, please click the subscribe button. Thank you.


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